My wedding day, 15 July 1995, was the best day of my life. Today I am blessed with a wonderful wife and we have 3 great children. I am lucky, and in a statistical minority, to be as happy now as I was on 15 July 1995. I do not take my contentment for granted.
Whilst my wedding day was the best day of my life – it wasn’t the best wedding I’ve attended. It wasn’t even close. This accolade goes to a mate of mine who staged a James Bond themed wedding 5 years ago. Coincidentally, my mate’s wedding also took place on 15 July. To add coincidence to coincidence my mate’s wedding day (and my eleventh wedding anniversary) was also the wedding day of Ashley and Cheryl Cole. Mr and Mrs Cole wed in nearby Barnet.
My mate’s wedding, to be frank, didn’t major on love, commitment or anything else worthy of a solemn vow – but what a bloody great show! When Westlife arrived by helicopter to liven up the bride and groom’s first dance (why should anyone settle for a disco?) there were a few guests giddy and ready to pass out. Luckily the life sized ice sculpture (of the groom – with James Bond) gave some resuscitative value to the proceedings and the swooning masses were soon brought back from the brink to see the groom’s life story broadcast "audio-visually" against the white west wing wall of Henry XIII’s Hertfordshire hunting lodge. The laser show and fireworks could apparently be seen by guests at Cheryl and Ashley’s “lower key” wedding in Barnet....I suspect to the mild irritation of Cheryl, Ashley and OK Magazine.
Those two weddings from 15 July 2006 have both now ended in divorce. Unlike the vast majority of divorces, the financial pots for division in these cases were tailor-made for continued comfort for all concerned.
A similar case, reported by in my local newspaper this week, was that of Victoria Jones (from Gerrards Cross) and Gareth Jones (from a castle near Aberdeen). The Court of Appeal last week awarded Mrs Jones a lump sum of £8,000,000 following her divorce from her husband who had made his fortune in the gas and oil industry. This lump sum was greater than the original sum ordered by the lower court but less than the total sum claimed by Mrs Jones before the Court of Appeal. In making its decision the Court of Appeal drew a distinction between the value of assets that the husband had brought into the marriage and the value of assets that had accrued during the 10 year marriage.
For the very wealthy, the Court of Appeal’s judgment is significant because it gives some endorsement to the “ring-fencing” of pre-marital assets. For the majority of married couples, the decision is of little consequence because all matrimonial assets, irrespective of who acquired and when the assets were acquired, are needed to provide reasonable financial provision for the parties (and any children) going forward.
Historically, the less wealth there has been in a family, the less impact a positive attempt at “ring-fencing” (namely through a pre-nuptial agreement) has had in the eyes of our courts. Whilst “pre-nups” are still not legally binding in this country, the recent Supreme Court decision in the case of Radamacher makes it much more likely that such agreements will be upheld by the family courts, provided certain conditions are met. The issue of whether they should become binding is currently being considered by the Law Commission.
Sadly, most marriages do not last “until death do us part”. However, it is my view (for what it’s worth) that the odds probably increase considerably if vows are not made in the presence of a James Bond lookalike!
Thursday 3 February 2011
Tuesday 18 January 2011
They fly so high, nearly reach the sky
This is another non-legal blog. I am fed up with my beloved football team again.
A friend of mine said today: what sort of club leaks a managerial appointment to the press before the new manager has agreed to join?
The short answer to this is West Ham. In the longer answer (which I gave to my mate) I identified my Top Five "it could only happen at West Ham" stories. Mum - I love you dearly, but why oh why did you buy me a West Ham away kit for my third birthday in 1971? What had I done to deserve this pathetic excuse for a football club??
In no particular order:
1. The Paolo Di Canio and Frank Lampard fight on 12 February 2000.
Bradford had been newly promoted to the Premier League. We had a debutant goalkeeper, Stephen Bywater. The poor guy threw 4 goals into his own net. More ridiculously, we scored four ourselves. It was like watching a game between two pub sides....and when we didn't think the farce could deteriorate further, King Paolo had one of his wobbles.. He walked off the pitch with the hump and demanded to be substituted. When Redknapp pushed him back on, he refused to take part in the game. He just sat on the pitch, head down and arms crossed, whilst the game was played around him. His solo boycott ended, after a good two minutes, when the referee blew for a penalty at our end. Paolo was never one to miss a Roy of the Rovers opportunity so, up he got, and sprinted to the penalty spot to prize the ball away from Frank Lampard (Jr - the sh#t one!). Now Frank is big and fat as we know, but he didn't have the strength to out-muscle King Paolo. After quite a few seconds of comedy slapstick, Big Fat Frank turned away with the hump and headed himself towards the dug-out, presumably to moan at his dad (Frank Sr - the good one!). As Fatty trudged away, up stepped the King to stroke home the penalty for a 5-4 home win.
It could only happen at West Ham!
2. Emmanuel Omoyinmi substitution on 15 December 1999
It was our first cup quarter final victory for a decade - or so we thought. Aston Villa came to Upton Park. A cup match under the lights. The fans in the Chicken Run were spitting venom at anything which ran by in a Villa shirt. The whole stadium was absolutely banging. It was 2-2 with less than one minute of extra time to play. Redknapp brought on Emmanuel Omoyinmi as a substituute for someone good (or, if not good, certainly better than Omoyimni). The referee immediately blew for full time to take the game to penalties. Incredibly, West Ham scored all five. Villa scored four. Omoyinmi played no part at all. We were through to the semi fnal - or so we thought. The next day, we were ordered to replay the tie. Emmanuel Omoyinmi had already played in the League Cup that season when he was out on loan. He had forgotten! Our Fixtures Secretary had not thought to make his own enquiries. The game was replayed on 11 January 2000. We lost comfortably.
It could only happen at West Ham!
3. Tevez (and his mate)
I love Carlos Tevez. I can forgive him for creating £26,000,000 in fines which we are still trying to pay and which very nearly did (and still could) lead the club into administration. I loved his mate too. Javier Mascherano's performance against Palermo in the UEFA Cup was probably the best midfield performance I've witnessed at Upton Park since the days of Sir Trevor Brooking. We were all slightly bewildered afterwards when he was dropped. When you have one of the best midfielders in the world (completely unlawfully - and with the illegality threatening to bankrupt the club) it would have been good to see him in a West Ham shirt occasionally...but Pardew knew better apparently! He didn't play Tevez much either (can you have jet lag for 2 months?) but that isn't the point of this tale. For that I must take you to the Club Shop (or Super Store as it's called officially) on the night of said Palermo UEFA Cup fixture. I had to buy 3 Tevez shirts for my kids. When your club is not playing the most expensive footballer in the world (who is with you unlawfully, and who is likely to cause your club's financial collapse) I thought the commercial beast that is WHUFC would want to cash in on a few thousand shirt sales. I wasn't the only person to think this. The queue for Tevez shirts stretched out of the shop, through the gates and half way up Green Street. Imagine our surprize when we heard the (sole!) shirt printer yell out: "If you want Tevez on your back, you might as well turn around because I'm running out of Zs". One of the more patient attendees (there were already punches being thrown to the rear of the shop in between the bouncers and the West Ham babygrows) enquired about the expected delivery date for the new batch of Zs. Imagine our continued surprize when he responded: "Not until next season mate...we buy in bulk once a year...it's cheaper that way." The patient one grew less patient: "Are you having a f#####g laugh? What's the f#####g chance of Tevez being here next year?" When the (sole!) shirt printer retorted with "calm down mate...how do you think Zamora feels?".... it all kicked off in the Club shop. I managed to get two Tevez shirts in the scrum. My daughter had to suffer the indignity of wearing a Mullins shirt for the remainder of the Argentinians' short stay in East London. [She still won't accept that if Mullins had not been suspended for the 2006 Cup Final, he would have been there to close Gerrard down and West Ham would have won its first trophy in 26 years]
It could only happen at West Ham!
4. Glenn Roeder
It's difficult to know where to start here. But as one fellow season ticket holder put it when our team (which included David James, Joe Cole, Michael Carrick, Jermaine Defoe, Trevor Sinclair and Paolo Di Canio) was relegated in 2003: "that pr#ck should be banned from grass".
It could only happen at West Ham!
5. Lee from the Club Shop
In 2004, I was emailed a flyer from the Club Shop encouraging me to order the new home shirt online, by a certain date, to guarantee FREE delivery, to my home, on the day of release, with FREE printing. It was a slick and glossy looking flyer. I knew my kids would be hounding me for the new shirt soon. I liked the sound of FREE delivery. I placed my order for 3 shirts immediately. I diligently included shirt numbers and my kids' names within the order - because that was free too. The day of release came and I left for my office before any post arrived at home. I thought nothing of it. At about midday I received a call which went, word for word, like this:
CALLER: Hello, is this Mr Coyle?
ME: It is, yes.
CALLER: Hello Mr Coyle. It's Lee from the Club Shop.
ME: Oh right yeh...the shirts are coming today aren't they?
LEE: Well that's what I'm calling about Mr Coyle. There's a bit of a problem. I'm sorting it out now and there's a bike waiting outside to deliver....but I just wanted to let you know....(pause)
ME: Let me know what?
LEE: We've run out of numbers - for the kids' sizes anyway.
ME: Right...ok....
LEE: But what I can do is stick numbers which we use for the adult shorts on to your kids' shirts.
ME: Oh right...and that looks ok does it?
LEE: Hold there Mr Coyle...I'll have a quick look....(pause with rustling sound)
LEE: Well, to be honest Mr Coyle...they look a bit sh#t.
ME: Do you have any non-sh#t options Lee?
LEE: Sorry mate....no.
ME: I'll just take the shirts then Lee.
The shirts arrived the next day (a slow bike presumably) with the adult short numbers duly printed on the back of the shirts. Lee hadn't done what I had asked, but he was absolutely right about one thing - the shirts did indeed look sh#t!
It could only happen at West Ham.
Conclusion and pleas
Martin O'Neill: I hope one day that you change your mind and join us in our misery!
Mr Gold and Mr Sullivan: whilst there has probably never been a more fitting pair to run our useless club, please do us all a favour and f#ck off with Lee from the Club Shop.
A friend of mine said today: what sort of club leaks a managerial appointment to the press before the new manager has agreed to join?
The short answer to this is West Ham. In the longer answer (which I gave to my mate) I identified my Top Five "it could only happen at West Ham" stories. Mum - I love you dearly, but why oh why did you buy me a West Ham away kit for my third birthday in 1971? What had I done to deserve this pathetic excuse for a football club??
In no particular order:
1. The Paolo Di Canio and Frank Lampard fight on 12 February 2000.
Bradford had been newly promoted to the Premier League. We had a debutant goalkeeper, Stephen Bywater. The poor guy threw 4 goals into his own net. More ridiculously, we scored four ourselves. It was like watching a game between two pub sides....and when we didn't think the farce could deteriorate further, King Paolo had one of his wobbles.. He walked off the pitch with the hump and demanded to be substituted. When Redknapp pushed him back on, he refused to take part in the game. He just sat on the pitch, head down and arms crossed, whilst the game was played around him. His solo boycott ended, after a good two minutes, when the referee blew for a penalty at our end. Paolo was never one to miss a Roy of the Rovers opportunity so, up he got, and sprinted to the penalty spot to prize the ball away from Frank Lampard (Jr - the sh#t one!). Now Frank is big and fat as we know, but he didn't have the strength to out-muscle King Paolo. After quite a few seconds of comedy slapstick, Big Fat Frank turned away with the hump and headed himself towards the dug-out, presumably to moan at his dad (Frank Sr - the good one!). As Fatty trudged away, up stepped the King to stroke home the penalty for a 5-4 home win.
It could only happen at West Ham!
2. Emmanuel Omoyinmi substitution on 15 December 1999
It was our first cup quarter final victory for a decade - or so we thought. Aston Villa came to Upton Park. A cup match under the lights. The fans in the Chicken Run were spitting venom at anything which ran by in a Villa shirt. The whole stadium was absolutely banging. It was 2-2 with less than one minute of extra time to play. Redknapp brought on Emmanuel Omoyinmi as a substituute for someone good (or, if not good, certainly better than Omoyimni). The referee immediately blew for full time to take the game to penalties. Incredibly, West Ham scored all five. Villa scored four. Omoyinmi played no part at all. We were through to the semi fnal - or so we thought. The next day, we were ordered to replay the tie. Emmanuel Omoyinmi had already played in the League Cup that season when he was out on loan. He had forgotten! Our Fixtures Secretary had not thought to make his own enquiries. The game was replayed on 11 January 2000. We lost comfortably.
It could only happen at West Ham!
3. Tevez (and his mate)
I love Carlos Tevez. I can forgive him for creating £26,000,000 in fines which we are still trying to pay and which very nearly did (and still could) lead the club into administration. I loved his mate too. Javier Mascherano's performance against Palermo in the UEFA Cup was probably the best midfield performance I've witnessed at Upton Park since the days of Sir Trevor Brooking. We were all slightly bewildered afterwards when he was dropped. When you have one of the best midfielders in the world (completely unlawfully - and with the illegality threatening to bankrupt the club) it would have been good to see him in a West Ham shirt occasionally...but Pardew knew better apparently! He didn't play Tevez much either (can you have jet lag for 2 months?) but that isn't the point of this tale. For that I must take you to the Club Shop (or Super Store as it's called officially) on the night of said Palermo UEFA Cup fixture. I had to buy 3 Tevez shirts for my kids. When your club is not playing the most expensive footballer in the world (who is with you unlawfully, and who is likely to cause your club's financial collapse) I thought the commercial beast that is WHUFC would want to cash in on a few thousand shirt sales. I wasn't the only person to think this. The queue for Tevez shirts stretched out of the shop, through the gates and half way up Green Street. Imagine our surprize when we heard the (sole!) shirt printer yell out: "If you want Tevez on your back, you might as well turn around because I'm running out of Zs". One of the more patient attendees (there were already punches being thrown to the rear of the shop in between the bouncers and the West Ham babygrows) enquired about the expected delivery date for the new batch of Zs. Imagine our continued surprize when he responded: "Not until next season mate...we buy in bulk once a year...it's cheaper that way." The patient one grew less patient: "Are you having a f#####g laugh? What's the f#####g chance of Tevez being here next year?" When the (sole!) shirt printer retorted with "calm down mate...how do you think Zamora feels?".... it all kicked off in the Club shop. I managed to get two Tevez shirts in the scrum. My daughter had to suffer the indignity of wearing a Mullins shirt for the remainder of the Argentinians' short stay in East London. [She still won't accept that if Mullins had not been suspended for the 2006 Cup Final, he would have been there to close Gerrard down and West Ham would have won its first trophy in 26 years]
It could only happen at West Ham!
4. Glenn Roeder
It's difficult to know where to start here. But as one fellow season ticket holder put it when our team (which included David James, Joe Cole, Michael Carrick, Jermaine Defoe, Trevor Sinclair and Paolo Di Canio) was relegated in 2003: "that pr#ck should be banned from grass".
It could only happen at West Ham!
5. Lee from the Club Shop
In 2004, I was emailed a flyer from the Club Shop encouraging me to order the new home shirt online, by a certain date, to guarantee FREE delivery, to my home, on the day of release, with FREE printing. It was a slick and glossy looking flyer. I knew my kids would be hounding me for the new shirt soon. I liked the sound of FREE delivery. I placed my order for 3 shirts immediately. I diligently included shirt numbers and my kids' names within the order - because that was free too. The day of release came and I left for my office before any post arrived at home. I thought nothing of it. At about midday I received a call which went, word for word, like this:
CALLER: Hello, is this Mr Coyle?
ME: It is, yes.
CALLER: Hello Mr Coyle. It's Lee from the Club Shop.
ME: Oh right yeh...the shirts are coming today aren't they?
LEE: Well that's what I'm calling about Mr Coyle. There's a bit of a problem. I'm sorting it out now and there's a bike waiting outside to deliver....but I just wanted to let you know....(pause)
ME: Let me know what?
LEE: We've run out of numbers - for the kids' sizes anyway.
ME: Right...ok....
LEE: But what I can do is stick numbers which we use for the adult shorts on to your kids' shirts.
ME: Oh right...and that looks ok does it?
LEE: Hold there Mr Coyle...I'll have a quick look....(pause with rustling sound)
LEE: Well, to be honest Mr Coyle...they look a bit sh#t.
ME: Do you have any non-sh#t options Lee?
LEE: Sorry mate....no.
ME: I'll just take the shirts then Lee.
The shirts arrived the next day (a slow bike presumably) with the adult short numbers duly printed on the back of the shirts. Lee hadn't done what I had asked, but he was absolutely right about one thing - the shirts did indeed look sh#t!
It could only happen at West Ham.
Conclusion and pleas
Martin O'Neill: I hope one day that you change your mind and join us in our misery!
Mr Gold and Mr Sullivan: whilst there has probably never been a more fitting pair to run our useless club, please do us all a favour and f#ck off with Lee from the Club Shop.
Punishing Pot-holes
This morning I suffered road-rage for the first time in 2011. I was driving past the local primary school when, from nowhere, some sort of monster truck took a monster swerve around an innocuous looking pot-hole into my path.
The vehicle was being driven by a young and very attractive mum who had obviously dropped her little one at school in preference to letting him/her walk a few hundred yards (I’m guessing!) in the drizzle.
This pot-hole evasion manoeuvre almost caused me to crash into some adjacent railings. It did cause my de-caf skinny latte (January de-tox!) to break loose from my Costa plastic cup, through that irritating cap-hole at the top (the thing that makes you slurp) and into my lap.
As coffee soaked into my new Christmas underpants, my first thought was this: surely that sub-aqua, desert storming, cliff climbing tank of a vehicle is capable of running one of its wheels over a pot-hole? I didn’t dwell on this thought for long (the beautiful driver smiled apologetically at me) so I queried this instead: why on earth, credit crunch or not, do we taxpayers have to put up with roads which belong in a long gone Soviet eastern bloc type era?
So what is the law relating to pot-holes? Well the starting point, believe it or not, is the Domesday Book. This records that “if anyone makes a fence or a ditch by which the King’s public way is narrowed....for each offence of this sort he shall pay 100 shillings to the King”. The Statute of Winchester 1555 then required property dwellers with road frontages to wash their street. The Statute specified the number of water buckets to use and the washing frequency!
Moving from the nostalgia of medieval Britain to modern times, the statutory duty of maintenance now falls upon the relevant “Highway Authority” (in essence, your Local Authority). This is imposed by Section 41 of the Highways Act 1980. The same statute gives local authorities a limited defence under Section 58. Under this provision, the local authority has to demonstrate that it has taken “reasonable care to secure that the part of the highway to which the action relates was not dangerous to traffic”. The question of what constitutes reasonable care is generally referenced to nationally recommended standards for highway maintenance which can be found at www.roadcodes.org
With the recent flurry of snow causing last year’s hastily fixed pot-holes to reappear and breed (and with a reducing pot of money to carry out essential road maintenance) local authorities and motor insurers are being swamped with compensation claims.
If your car has been damaged by a pot-hole, and you put your claim to the local authority, expect your demand for compensation to be met by a Section 58 defence. If you need assistance in trying to knock down this hurdle, I may be able to help, unless you’re the person who nearly crashed into me this morning - you owe me a coffee!
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